Scrambled.

That's how I feel today.  People who know me might tell you that I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop.  As a result, I can often times come across a little cynical.  Defensive even.  Over the past say...eight months, I've been working really hard on worrying less about things I have no control over, and using that reclaimed energy to just do more with my life.  Work harder and cleaner, stay positive, enjoy my friends and family.  Once I realized how much energy it was taking for me to be worried, and even angry, and definitely scared, I started feeling like I was more successful.  And so since I haven't spent the last few months worrying about me, little things that might normally get my panties in a bunch have not really made an impact.  But I felt today for the first time in a while that something evil this way comes.  OK, evil might be a stretch.  Maybe a better word would be...heavy.  Something that might weigh me down emotionally.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  But yesterday and today, I have felt a little down.  Yesterday I just couldn't quite climb out of a slight dip in my mood.  I needed to go to the gym, but I just didn't feel like it.  Believe me, this happens a LOT.  But yesterday was honestly the first time I didn't go, just because I didn't feel like it.  Today I was going over my finances, and that just brought me right back down too.  I have good intentions.  But managing money just is not a skill that I was born with.  For some reason, ever since Christmastime, I have really been struggling to keep things on an even keel.  It's not going so well this month.  But, there's no where to go from here but up, I suppose.  Well, that's not really true, but let's just not go there. 

I did go to the gym today, and I had a sinking feeling that Rashaad (The Devil's Proctologist) was going to have something awful up his sleeve for me.  But, sometimes life throws you a bone.  My prepaid sessions were up, and so I can't schedule again till after my next payment, which is next week.  So, instead of cracking the whip on me, he just made a list of exercises he wanted me to do and off I went to do them.  While I was waiting for an elliptical machine to open up, I decided to use the recumbent bike to kill time.  Better than nothing, right?  Let me just say, that after weeks of the elliptical, the recumbent bike was like sissy time.  Seriously.  I should have known since every person using one was reading a book.  When an elliptical finally did open up, I hoped on.  The woman next to me was wearing what I can only describe as the Under Armor version of a burka.  Now, kudos to her for trying to stay healthy when no one sees her body anyway.  BUT.  Deodorant is not really optional in the gym.  I've been crammed next to some seriously sweaty people over the last 6 weeks, and not one of them made me seriously consider getting off the machine until today.  Wow. 

At any rate, I finished, and came home to do dishes and make something to eat for tomorrow.  Which brings me to my next gripe. (sorry, this post isn't very upbeat...).  Brown Rice.  WTF?  I had been buying those minute rice single serving microwavable cups, but in an effort to reduce the processed food I eat, I bought a bag of rice at the store.  Followed the directions on the bag.  Checked after 40 minutes, rice is still hard, all water is gone.  So, I added more water, cooked for another 20 minutes.  It never really got soft...(and yes, I know brown rice has a little more "bite" to it than white rice, but this was HARD).  So today I tried again.  I am not going to let this whole grain beat me.  Today, after 40 minutes, the rice was getting soft, and there was still water in the pan.  I let it go another 10 minutes.  It didn't seem like it was going to absorb any more water, so I just drained it off.  It's OK....but I feel like there is some brown rice mystery that I am not privy to yet.  Maybe it's the brand.  I bought Goya, because it was cheap.  When I buy white rice, I usually buy the Texmati in the little jug thing.  Maybe I should try that brand's brown rice.  UGH.

Sid (the kitty formerly known as Isla) is going to be spayed tomorrow, and both will be microchipped.  Right now my biggest concern about the whole thing is how to fit them both into one cat carrier.  This ought to be interesting...