Putting on The Brakes

In my younger days, holding a grudge was kind of my specialty.  As I’ve grown older, I’ve realized that it often times just takes way to much energy.  That said…I would argue that there is a big difference between letting go of an issue that’s been resolved, and just plain pretending something never happened, especially if the issue is not resolved. 

My mom is really able to bounce back….if we have a minor disagreement, she is perfectly able to talk to me a few hours later as if it never even happened.  The key word in that sentence was “minor” in case you missed it. 

I also think that I am fairly laid back.  I don’t let much upset me, and I’m not easily offended or hurt. So when something DOES upset me or hurt my feelings, I very rarely even say anything.  Usually my facial expressions betray me, but I’ve even got a better hand on that in my old age.  If I actually admit out loud to someone that I am angry at them, or upset, or my feelings are hurt, it’s a pretty big deal.  Which is why I am so astounded that people can just pretend that entire conversations never happened, without any resolution at all. 

If I finally gather the strength to say to someone…I’m not going to pretend like this doesn’t hurt my feelings anymore.  I feel like you do not make this issue in our friendship a priority, and that not only hurts my feelings, but it makes me think you really have no idea how selfish you can be….how can that person just wait a while, and then try to carry on a conversation with that just hanging out there?!?!  That hurts almost as much as the whole thing did in the first place, because it tells me that the person STILL doesn’t understand that this is serious to me, and they’ve moved on. 

Well you know what?  That’s just not good enough.  I deserve more than that.  I deserve a sincere apology, and it wouldn’t hurt for that person to acknowledge that they have gone out of their way in the past for other “less important” friends, all the while just assuming I would handle being snubbed because we are so “close”.  I’m putting it out there, mostly so it’s not lodged in my chest like a 13 pound bowling ball.  My feelings are hurt.  The “reasons” and “explanations” no longer hold water.   I can provide specific examples if that’s what it takes.  I don’t typically “keep score” but this has been going on for so long, I have examples.  Plural.

I feel better for having written this down.  If you are reading this and thinking that maybe you owe a friend an apology, or a phone call, or a visit….let this be the kick in the pants you need to pony up.  Friendship is a two way street…if you’ve been on cruise control for a while, maybe it’s time to kick it into drive.