Wow. That Eric Clapton song just came to me from WAY back in the memory banks. Shades of my senior slide show....note to self: Have to take that VHS tape to the place over in Edgewood to have it repaired. Holy racing thought, Batman.
I don't know if it's just that I don't feel well, or that it's been a long few weeks, or that I'm at odds with a friend, or that I miss my "sister" Julie, but I'm a mess. I've lost the motivation to exercise. I've lost the Motivation to do just about everything. My house is a WRECK. Like a whole new level of wrong. Half of it is packed, and what's left is just....scary. Nostalgia is not my friend. It cripples me. This post is destined to be filled with non-sequiturs.
It has been almost a month since my last post. I wish I could say magical, exciting things have happened, but alas. No. I read the three "50 Shades" books, and that is approximately 1200 pages worth of time I will never get back. Oooh, so shocking, he tied her hands up with a necktie. Spanking. I'm blushing. SERIOUSLY? I guess if this is what it takes to get people to read, then...whatever. But for just one minute can we review how completely annoying and spineless Ana is? She is what is wrong with women. The scary part is, I know so many women who think just like her. Of course, those women all have husbands/boyfriends and I don't, so maybe I'm doing it wrong.
I made a grand gesture since then, that was not received the way I'd hoped, but it could have been worse. I'm still trying to figure out what "It's the least I can do" translates to...and trying to decide what to do next. It sucks...the heart wants what the heart wants, even if that is not always good for you, or even available to you. Although, maybe it's just what you need, but it takes patience to get there? Who knows. It's entirely possible that I will die a lonely old maid.
To be perfectly honest, I think I need a good cry. I have no real singular reason to cry, but...it's just below the surface, threatening to break through at just the wrong moments. I've been so unlike myself for the past few months, I think it's just the emotional exhaustion of trying to keep up. I yo yo between being weepy, self loathing, and irrationally angry. I want the people in my life to take ownership and admit to the things that are staring right at them. For a Virgo, I have a really intense obsession with Justice with a capital "J". I can only imagine that it is because I was born on the cusp.
On the upside, I am pretty sure I am going to San Francisco next month, and I really do love it there. I may try to stay an extra day just for me. At any rate, I have plans to take the cable car down to the area near Ghiradelli Square and eat at Capurro's, where I had the BEST blueberry martini ever made. And some pretty good calamari too. So, I've got that going for me.
Now, I think I will settle in and watch "Rope" and hopefully fall asleep.....
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