Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way.

Famous words from my adolescence.  It's meant to be empowering, or at the very least to force a decision from the person it's being directed at.  The trouble is, one of the options is "get out of the way".  Getting out of the way is just so passive.  You aren't going to be strong and take the lead.  You aren't going to be supportive and follow a strong leader.  You're just going to step aside, let the rest of the crowd pass you by.  I never really spent much time thinking about it back then, but I was thinking about it today.  I want to blaze a trail.  But that's a scary thought.  Have you ever done something that was decisive, but totally outside of your normal zone?  Some people are naturally decisive.  Opinionated.  Outspoken.  I used to be one of those people.  And once, I even went ahead and made a strategic move that I thought I could never do.  And you know what?  It actually worked out...for a little while, at least. 

Ten years ago, there was a person in my life who would never have been there, if I hadn't made a decision to take the lead.  And for a few years, we were happy.  When he realized he was no longer happy, he took the lead, because at that point, I wasn't strong enough to admit that I wasn't happy either.  That person changed my life.  Because of him, I had the opportunity to learn about myself, who I really am.  I had the chance to grow, and focus on the things that I wanted most in life.  And most importantly, his willingness to be the bad guy gave me the courage and the space to go out and get what I wanted from life.  Did it happen right away?  Hell no.  Was I miserable?  Absolutely.  I was miserable, for a very long time.  Until one day, I wasn't.  When I finally realized that I had to stop fighting the past and embrace my future, I made another bold decision.  I decided to lead my life to the place where I wanted to be.  Six months later I moved to Philadelphia to take job doing exactly what I wanted to be doing.  Since then, I haven't spent a lot of time looking back.  I'm not going to lie, I spent some time, but not a lot.  Most of the time that has passed between then and now has been dedicated to becoming who I wanted to be professionally.  A process that was by no means an easy road.  But I fought through hard times, and waited patiently, and didn't give up hope, and here I am, for all intents and purposes, successful. 

Now that I have that all under control, it's time to go back to where I started.  I have to move into the next phase, and that means making a decision to take the lead in my personal life.  It's a scary thought.  I'm not exactly the person I want to be physically.  My self-esteem is a little lower than I'd like it to be.  Taking a negative hit right now would be more than a little bump in the road.  But...what good is a feeling of professional success, and truly being relaxed and enjoying your life, if you have no one to share it with?  I have avoided a serious relationship for a LONG time, mostly because I was never settled.  It took much longer than I expected to get over that relationship that kick started my adult life.  After I moved to Philly, I was just feeling comfortable when I ended up having to move back to Pittsburgh.  I knew that time in Pittsburgh would be temporary, so I didn't focus on meeting someone then.  My move to Atlanta was such a stretch, I just wanted to make it through a year down here without any additional stress.  But now I'm ready.  And someone has even caught my eye. 

There are a hundred reasons not to do anything about it.  Probably closer to two hundred.  I've spent countless hours debating what my next move should be.  And you know what keeps running through my head?  "Lead, follow or get out of the way."  "If you keep doing what you've always done, you'll keep getting what you've always got."  "If you want big rewards, you gotta take big risks."  So...I'm going to do it.  I'm not sure yet how, or when, but at least I won't have to look back and wonder "what if...?"